Wall Street Brunch – Snarky Skits

Dick: Lovely day for a champagne brunch.

Mike: The light breeze from the Wall Street terrance is rather bracing, wouldn’t you say?

John: Quite, quite. I gathered you both here today to celebrate our new raises. Each of us, as hardly working bank CEOs, I mean, hard working bank CEOs, have netted over 17 million dollars in 2014. I think it is safe to say that with this salary, our jobs, no matter what we do is safe.

All: Cheers!

wall streetMike: As  CEO of Citigroup, 17 million is a perfect salary for me. I deserve it. My job, unlike other undeserving members of society like firefighters or EMTs is extremely important. I laughed when I saw that Vermont is short 17 million from its budget. If they closed a few schools and libraries, they would not be facing this problem. What losers.

Dick: As CEO of Capitol One, my 18 million dollar salary is even more deserved.
I should say so. That 75 million class action law suit against Capital One was horrific. Badgering debtors illegally? What a bunch of whiners. Why didn’t they just handover their homes quietly and stop making such a fuss? I certainly deserved that salary.

Mike: You’re the star of this brunch, John. As CEO of Wells Fargo, you netted over 19 million dollars in 2014. Bravo, good fellow. Bravo.

Dick: My word, yes, it is inspiring to see that you finallly settled all that curfuddle with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac in 2013 for $1.3 billion after scooping 25 billion dollars in the 2008 bail outs. I call that a win!

John: To top it off, we are starting to push subprime lending which is one of the things that destroyed borrowers in the first place. I would say my salary is very well deserved.

Mike: Oh, Dick! Look, look! We are just in time for the show.

Dick: Here come the protesters with their little signs. How quaint. As if anything they say is actually important.

John: Isn’t here a law the prohibits the poor from gathering in one place. I thought they had to stay in the huts or cardboard boxes or whatever they live in these days. It is amusing though, isn’t it? It will be much more fun when you see my little surprise. Jeeves! (snapping)

Mike: Is that a cauldron of boiling oil? You naughty boy!

Dick: This will be more amusing than the fox hunt last year!



Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved

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