Ellen Page and the BBQ Boys – Snarky Skits

Cast of Characters:
Ellen Page
Scott Walker
Ted Cruz

bbqTed: Sure is great to be here at the Iowa State Fair grilling pork chops for potential voters. I am glad that even though we are poitical rivals, you joined me Governor Scott Walker.

Scott: Absolutely! When I heard that Ellen Page snuck up on you and asked all those scary questions about homosexuals, I knew that I couldn’t let you grill alone.

Ted: That’s right! We will show the press that Scott Walker and Ted Cruz are united against gay rights.

<Soundtrack from Jaws>

Scott: What’s that sound?

Ted: That’s her! That’s her! She’s sneaking up on us now!

Scott: You call that sneaking? She’s right in front us. She’s in a line with the other voters.

Ted: She’s getting ready to attack! Back you vixen!

<Music ends>

Ellen: Senator Cruz and Governor Walker, I have a question for the 2 of you. How do you stand on LGBTQ rights?

Ted:  Religious freedom! Isis beheadings!

Scott: Al qaeda! Al qaeda! Al qaeda!

Ellen: What does that have to do with my question?

Ted: She coming around for another strike! Throw a pork chop at her! She’s probably a vegetarian!

Scott: No! Stop we have to think this through! They can smell fear.

Ellen: They? Who’s “they”?

Scott: Christians hate gays and we hate Isis so you are a terrorist! If we let you gay things up in America, it will be like we are soft on terrorism.

Ellen: That makes no sense. If you are suggesting that allowing religious extremists like ISIL to continue persecution and oppression of citizens, then I agree. Religion is not a trump card for allowing abuse. If that applies to Islamic extremists, it must also apply to Christian extremeists. In a healthy democracy, your job as an elected official must be to protect all citizens from oppression no matter what the motivation.

Scott: Hmmm. I never thought of it that way. That makes sense.

Ted: Snap out of it, Scott! Don’t let her attack your mind! You are a knee jerk politician! Forget the citizens. We are already giving them pork chops. Don’t go over board! Think of the Koch brothers!  Stay with me buddy!

Scott: The Koch brothers? Oh, my god! Corporate interests! I’ve been blinded by logic. Back up Ellen Page! You almost got me with your wiley ways!

Ted: Conversation over, man!

Ellen: Very well but I’ll be back … for a sequel!

<soundtrack from Jaws resumes>



Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved

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