Stormtrooper: Emperor, Lord Vader, I have some news for you.
Vader: It had better be good or I will make you suffer as I did the last messenger.
Emperor: Good, good. Let your anger flow from you.
Stormtrooper: Gulp. Yes, Lord Vader. It is very good news. It’s about the DARK act, you know, the Deny Americans the Right to Know act that prohibits states from requiring that GMO products be labeled accurately?
Emperor: Yes, you fool. I know what it is. I wrote this legistlation myself. Ignorance is our greatest weapon! Get on with it!
Stormtrooper: The DARK Act has passed the House and is heading for the Senate.
Vader: Our plan is almost complete. Once the Senate passes the DARK act, planet Earth will be completely under control of the Empire. The rebellion will be crushed.
Emperor: Good, good. What do your feelings tell you about this plan, Lord Vader?
Vader: Once Americans grow to accept their powerlessness about their food choices, they will give up trying to learn about other areas of their lives and our conquest will be much easier. They already have given up trying to understand their cell phone bills and how insurance premiums work. Their emfeebled minds will be ripe for the picking.
Emperor: Good, good. What else do you sense?
Vader: We can start putting poison in their food and label it natural flavoring. We have already succeeded with high frutose corn syrup. A little arsenic, a little lead, some strychnine and survivors will beg for the Empire’s guidance. Their governments will be ours for the taking.
Emperor: <evil laugh> Excellent! Now leave me. Representatives from the Trade Federation Monsanto needs my counsel.
Vader: Yes, Master.
<sound of footsteps and door sliding shut>
Stormtrooper: The Emperor sure does talk a lot about his feelings.
Vader: He used to be child psychiatrist.
Stormtrooper: Really? I thought he was a politician before the Emperor gig.
Vader: He did therapy, practiced law and then moved into politics.
Stormtrooper: Ooooo. That’s creepy. No wonder he’s in charge of the dark side.
Vader: He is truly the master of evil.
Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved
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