Congressman: Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 3 months since my last confession.
Priest: Tell me your sins, my child.
Congressman: I just keep lying, Father. I can’t seem to stop lying. I don’t even tell good lies. They are lies that people don’t even pretend to believe.
Priest: Well, you are a congressman. I suspect that some of the lies are there to protect the public from things that they are not ready to hear.
Congressman: It’s not that simple, Father. I lie about campaign donations. I lie about emails. I have even been giving advice to others to lie. I was the one who told Volkswagon to blame a rogue engineer for the machinery they had been installing in their engines for the past 5 years. I mean, who would believe that? I can’t help myself. It’s ruining my life.
Priest: Yes, that was a bad lie but I think I can help you. As you know, priests and other members of the clergy cannot lie at all and to help us, we get a truth serum injected in us occasionally to keep us from temptation. There is a visiting nurse here today who has a truth serum with her that she can inject into you get you on the right path.
Congressman: Truth serum? How will that help me?
Priest: If you get used to telling the truth with the serum then, when it wears off, you can choose when or when not to lie as opposed to being addicted to lying.
Congressman: That is a great idea, Father. I saw that the nurse was volunteering here to help some of the homeless that you feed. She is here with the very thing I need. It must be God’s will that I try it.
Priest: God works in mysterious ways. Nurse?
Nurse: Yes, Father?
Priest: Please come over here and bring your special serum.
Nurse: Serum? Um. The vaccine? Ok. I’ll be right back.
Congressman: It’s a vaccine?
Priest: It guards against lies. Ah, here she comes now. Just sit here and roll up your sleeve.
Nurse: Ok, sir. I have a form for you to sign first.
Congressman: There you go.
Nurse: Sir? Did you even read the form?
Priest: For shame. Another lie. There you go again. Well, let’s give him the serum.
Nurse: Ok, sir. Let me wipe the area and … all done. It’s all over.
Congressman: Wow! I feel different already. Ask me a question.
Nurse: Ok. Did you really read the health form that I gave you?
Congressman: No, I didn’t. In fact, I rarely read any forms or even any documents that I need to sign in congress either. All that matters is if it is approved by a major campaign contributor. Hey, I did it! I told the truth!
Priest: My turn. Why is congress so eager to deny climate change?
Congressman: Mostly it’s big pay offs but they also said they built these really big arks for us to live in like in the movie 20/12. This really is refreshing but I could get into big trouble if I keep this up.
Priest: The truth will set you free, congressman.
Congressman: How long will the effects last?
Nurse: It is good for 10 years, sir.
Congressman: 10 years! I can’t keep this up for 10 years! Think of what it will do to my career! Think of what it will do to my marriage! I gotta talk to my lawyer! My wife is going to fleece me for everything I’ve got!
<runs out in a panic>
Nurse: I’ve got to say, father. I have never seen any one react to a tetanus vaccine like that before.
Father: Let’s just keep this to ourselves, shall we? Patient confidentiality and all.
Nurse: Whatever you say, Father.
Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved
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