Setting: Front porch of older woman
Grandma: Okay, kids! Enjoy your candy. You have a good Halloween. Yup. Watch your step! <closes door> What a bunch of cuties. Those were the tiniest ninjas I have ever seen.
Grandma: My goodness. Such impatience.
Kids: Trick or Treat!
<doorbell still ringing>
Grandma: OK, little guy. You can stop ringing the doorbell now.
Kid 1: This is part of my costume. I’m a Telemarketer.
Grandma: You want candy, lay off the bell. What a fine collection of costumes. What are y’all dressed as?
Kid 2: I’m the 2016 IRS tax code and my brother here is dressed as an Inevitable Audit.
Grandma: Dear lord.
Kid 3: I’m Sexually Transmitted Ebola.
Grandma: That is honestly spooky. Well, it looks like your little sister is dressed up like Minnie Mouse. So many freckles. How cute.
Kid 3: Those aren’t freckles. Those are measles. She is the Oncoming Plague of Disease that is Preventable by Vaccines. At least we don’t have autism.
Grandma: Are you sure? What about you over there?
Kids: We are Congressional Funding Choices Based on Poorly Edited Hack Videos.
Grandma: Ugh. I just threw up in my mouth.
Kid 4: Don’t expect healthcare for that. This is Texas.
Grandma: Thanks for the reminder. Well, what about you dearie. You’re wearing a hood. You must be a vampire.
Kid 4: No, I am the Cloak of Loneliness that Enveloped the Men After Realizing the Only Women Interested in Their Ashley Madison Accounts Were Programmed Algorhyms.
Grandma: Well, that was vivid. Here’s the rest of my candy. I’m calling it a night.
Kids: Yeah! It worked again!
<doorbell rings a few more times>
Grandma: Ok, telemarketer. Stop ringing the bell. I get your costume. Good night, kids. Happy Halloween. <door closes> Those Duggar kids are getting creepier every year. Good thing I keep my therapist’s number on speed dial.
Written by Sue Sierralupe – All rights reserved
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